In what local insiders are calling “another day in Nanaimo,” a popular restaurant has been struck by a vehicle. According to sources close to the scene, the establishment in question had neglected the unwritten Nanaimo ordinance: when life gives you cars, you’d better be prepared to reflect. “Investigators noted that it was raining at the time and the victim [was painted a] dark, non-reflective colour,” the RCMP release reads. Constable Gary O’Brien noted that the restaurant was “not [at a] designated crosswalk when the incident occurred.” He also noted that “numerous contributing factors were at play” including the fact that the restaurant did not make eye contact with the driver of the SUV.
“The most important thing is that driver behind the wheel was a-okay,” said O’Brien. “The building understood the risks of existing in Nanaimo, and it should have taken the necessary precautions to avoid being struck.”
The restaurant’s management has yet to issue a comment, though sources say they are considering an emergency overhaul, possibly involving everything from retrofitting with luminous paint to installing a rotating disco ball at the entrance. “It’s not every day you see an establishment become a pedestrian hazard simply because it chose to embrace a noir vibe,” noted a local urban planner. “In Nanaimo, it seems the dress code for buildings is quickly evolving into something that could double as a runway for safety fashion.”
Another fatal “accident” off Metral Drive. The building died instantly. (Nanaimo News Bulletin)
This has been a deadly year for Nanaimo businesses. In late January, another poor establishment lost its life when a well-meaning driver drove into a cooking supply store off Metral Drive, killing the business instantly. Local businesses across the region are being told to keep vigilant.
While this article may sound absurd to some, the quotes are pulled straight from RCMP press releases and the local newspaper. We blame human victims for existing outside of a vehicle, an institutional injustice perpetuated by local authorities and the media. We are all pedestrians once we exit our vehicle. Nanaimo’s leaders need to acknowledge that flashing lights and eye contact are insufficient when faced with a distracted or a dangerously-designed road. It’s time to rethink the way we discuss traffic violence in Nanaimo.
